broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
