shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
