New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
