No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
