Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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