Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We need a shit load of segways right now
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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