Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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