So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
