i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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