i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
