Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
