I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
