how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
