the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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