just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
