i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
