piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
