He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
its liver damage thursday
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
