I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
