If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
