friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
