have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
