I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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