We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
