I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So much rum. So many feels.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
