the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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