you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
