I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
