if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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