I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
