We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
