yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
