who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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