I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
