I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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