every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
