That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
