This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She bit a glass in half.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Randomize
