Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
