clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
