the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
