you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
