that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
