I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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