is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Damn victory sex feels great
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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