Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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