I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
