Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
