You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
