I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
