She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He felt like a one man threesome
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
