so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
