Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
