I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
