Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
