She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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