No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
