i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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