I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
