I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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