My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
