do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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