okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
