we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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