I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
there is glitter all over my balls
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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