I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
