Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
