can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
