Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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