I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
