I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
