yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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