Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
