i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
